As I get older, I wonder more and more about the hang ups I used to have – the hang ups others have, the reasons we act like we do, the outcomes of our behaviour and oh so many things fill this head of mine and it all seems so bloody trivial … yet these things consume us. They make us miserable or unhappy – fill us with embarrassment or make us want to hide ourselves away. They stop us from enjoying ourselves and generally inhibit our lives, all because we ourselves are inhibited. IT’S ALL MADNESS.
At the grand old age of 56, I’ve taken to flaunting myself in my underwear all over the internet, where the whole world can see it and I don’t give a stuff … shameless hussy eh? What is wrong with me? Why the hell didn’t I do it 30 odd years ago when I had the kind of body that deserved to be in the spotlight … when my flesh was fresh and my skin was tight … when my boobs could hold their own.
Why not? Because my body was stronger then, but my mind wasn’t. Back then I was filled with the kind of insecurities that hold so many of us back. I cared what other people might say. I thought people would laugh at me because people used to laugh at me – that started early on at school and carried on for many years. It had a massive impact on my life and how I lived it. It damaged me and prevented me from many opportunities. People are cruel … correction, some people are cruel but 9 times out of 10, they are the ones who need the most love and kindness. But anyway, enough about that and back to the naked truth.
Recently I answered a casting call for an underwear shoot. Looking very unglamorous in tracksuit bottoms, trainers, no make up and a wooly hat, I jumped on an early train and headed up to the Daily Mail offices in Kensington. There a make up artist painted my blank canvas and a hair stylist waved her magic wand. I took off my clothes, put on flesh coloured Bridgets and a simple bra and mingled with the other ladies in our multi flesh coloured rainbow. We sat, brazen and beautiful, showing our scars & tattoos, our stretch marks & loose skin and most of all, our body confidence. It was wonderfully refreshing.
Nobody laughed at me and to be fair, I no longer cared about that, knowing that behaviour is nothing to do with me and all to do with the other persons inferiority. In fact, if someone is laughing at you like that, take comfort – they see you shine which is why they feel the need to bring you down. Stay standing my darling, tall, proud and gorgeous, but always with compassion.
I should have modelled when I was younger. I had a couple of opportunities, but I didn’t have the confidence … but I do now!! So yeah, expect to see much more of me as I age disgracefully and I’ll be promoting body confidence as I go.
Take it from me, you will always regret the things you never did because of other people. I don’t even remember who those people were really, thats how important they were. But at the time it seems all consuming when in reality it’s just a tiny blip in the matrix that has no bearing on actual life and all the wonderful things it can be when you are mentally free.
There are so many people who are no longer with us, who didn’t get the chance to flaunt themselves in their underwear if they so wished. Who died before they realised their dreams. Who spent their last minutes here fighting disease, circumstance or conditioning. Who I’m sure would give anything to be here again amongst their loved ones and get a second chance. Do you think for one minute they would give a stuff about cellulite, wobbly flesh, wrinkles or someone laughing at them? You already know the answer. That my darlings is the real naked truth.
Live your life to the full, do what the hell you want as long as you’re not harming anyone and love, love, love, your god damn life while you still have it.
If you’d like to discuss this, or learn how to be more body confident, check out my website here: https://www.bellibone.co.uk